Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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