thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
