I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
