if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
