Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish my penis had an off switch
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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