just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
