I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
