please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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