you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
