I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
