our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
