At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
