No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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