I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's official drugs can't kill me
Every concussion has its silver lining
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
