I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But theres a keg here and me gusta
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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