So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
