I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
