i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
