After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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