i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
