I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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