how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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