Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
