she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
