but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
