I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize