shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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