I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
