Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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