he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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