She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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