On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
