Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
