when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
