I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
