I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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