Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
