i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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