i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
