Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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