the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
