I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
