You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
