It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize