Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
