i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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