oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who did Billy Mays play for?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
