Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
