Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
