oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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