Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
