oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
