See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
