The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
