its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
birth control should be required to get into college
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
