my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
