i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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