I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
