Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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