I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
