But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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